Easter-an eternal beginning

Here ends everything. Jesus is crucified. The hope we had in his deeds and words didn’t work as desired. He healed all the ailments, he consoled us in pain, and he even controlled the natural powers like wind and sea. He really was the only hope on earth. We never heard of anyone else on earth that did such magnificent miracles. We expected him not to die in any situation. How can he die? He is the person who called Lazarus back to life after four days of death. How could a person of this mighty power let death to get over? What about his promises. He promised to rebuild the temple on the third day of its destruction. He promised to be with us forever. He promised a new kingdom where he will rule as a king. What happened to his promises? Where is the man who promised all these things? How can we believe that our mighty savior died? Now how will he save us? He already went to join the dead. We believed him to be the Messiah, who came on earth to save us. He even didn’t utter a word about our redemption.  He left without a word. God, are you there? If yes, please tell us whether we need to wait for another Messiah. What is our future? What will we do? We don’t know how to live again. He was an asylum for us. It is true we never could treat him as Messiah, but now what?

The question now what appeared in all the faces of Nazerath, Galeelee, Judea and zamariah. Nobody was happy as they lost their hope. Some people believed that they lost their salvation because of Jewish priests. They did not allow Jesus to complete his mission. Some other believed that Jesus was not the Messiah and they need to spend more time in prayers to wait for the real Messiah. Even his disciples lost their minds. They were afraid of their association with him who was punished by the Roman government. They wanted to save themselves from the anger of the Jewish priests and Roman soldiers. So, they locked themselves inside the room. They could not find any idea for their future. Two days passed and the third day they were hungry and tired. They wanted to eat something and remembered his loving face who gave them enough food whenever they were hungry. Peter could not control himself and cried out loudly. John, who was very close to Jesus wanted to console him but could not as he also was already exhausted. Others looked at both of them. Their minds did not have anything other than their future. A hopeless crowd with their leader died as now they do have a leader who cannot move, who cannot speak, who cannot heal and who cannot redeem the world.

“After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb (where Jesus was buried). 2 There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3 His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4 The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.5. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7 Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” 8 So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9 Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. 10 Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”

Both women could not believe their eyes. Their savior is back. The man who did in the cross is here. The man who lost all his blood in Calvary is healthy again. The man whose body was beaten to make it the ugliest on earth has become the most handsome once again. My God, how is it possible? It is just another miracle as Lazarus return to life. They ran to meet his disciples and told them the good news. After that they wandered everywhere to spread the news that Jesus, the miracle worker is alive. He has resurrected from the dead. Unlike everyone else who closed their eyes permanently, he opened his eyes after 3 days and now completely healthy even after suffering all the punishments from Jews and Romans. It is not the end. Instead it is the beginning of a new and eternal life. Now we will be safe again. He will heal us, he will console us and he will redeem us from sin. As his promise, he rebuilt the temple on the third day of its destruction. He will keep all his promises. We don’t need to wait for another Messiah. He is the real Messiah and is capable of performing all his duties. Let’s join hands together to praise him and celebrate-the eternal beginning of Joy

Qatar Travelogue - Part 1

I am really glad to welcome you all to my very first attempt to write a travelogue. I had several travel experiences that are worth mentioning and the most memorable among them is the long route from Hyderabad to Alappuzha with my husband in our car. Leaving the straight way through Bangalore- Palghat, we diverted our path through Mysore and Kozhikode by Thamarassery Pass. Travelling in a car with the entire back seat loaded with our baggage and utensils was a different and difficult experience. We did have only friend seats to cover more than 1500 kms. Yet, we enjoyed the journey to a greater extent. There were many hot-spots and memoirs on the way to make it one of the most exciting experiences in my life. Hopefully I will write about it soon. Now I am thinking of writing my travel to Doha, the capital of the kingdom of Qatar.

I started my journey in Jet Airways from Cochin international Airport on 5th February 2013. While booking the ticket, I was having only one demand to the travel agent that I need a window side seat as I wanted to have the beautiful sight of Kochi during take-off. I imagined the sight of horizons that begins and ends in the sea, the sight that my eyes never enjoyed during my entire life time. As requested I got the window seat itself. While settling down in the seat, my mind was yelling with  excitement for I could not control myself for watching the panoramic view of the blue sea from above. The take off time was 7.50 pm and I was the happiest to see the light wrapped Kochi from above. 

Before getting down that excitement, the yellowish light of Kochi started fading and darkness met my eyes. Much before thinking about the reason of power failure in kochi, I could realize that it is not the power failure, I have reached the place where there is nothing to do with power failures. The sight of diminished lights in the fishing boats made me clear about a shocking piece of news: at night, like every other thing on earth, sea also have a dark complexion and the horizon starts and ends within the window. Shortly, excitement paved the way for disappointment and so, I felt that the dinner I got in the flight is the worst I ever had in my life. In fact, the dinner was not bad and the flight stewards were polite enough to fulfil my repeated demands to get hot water.

Before starting from Kochi, I had two streams of thought. The first one counted my 4 hours 20 minutes journey as very long as its desire was to meet my husband after a long time and the second one counted it as very short for I wanted to enjoy the beautiful sight of the sea. When I understood that sea losses its beauty and colour at night both these minds reunited and my only remaining wish was to reach Doha at the earliest. I wanted to sleep, but ‘the disappointed me’ in me made me responsible for not to sleep. So, I started reading the handbook given to learn the safety measures in the flight to bring back my mind to normal. As I already had a brief of it from the pilot before leaving Kochi I suddenly felt bored and I directed myself to the movie I watched several times.

It was a Hindi movie in which the hero reaches Punjab from the US to win the heart of his heroine. The movie could touch my emotions and it brought back all the images of my love with my husband. I started loving those moments and thanked God for blessing me with a wonderful partner. Even though I was immersed in the emotions created by the movie, I often looked out through the window but there were nothing other than darkness. The second part of the movie was more emotional than the first. The hero finally wins the heart of his girl’s father and he extends his hand to help the heroine who runs after the train to unite with his love. The scene again fueled my memories and brought a lot of images of me running after the train to be with my hero. I have become more affectionate to my husband and told myself that I have borne to become his wife.

While drowning in the sea of emotions I forgot the sea for time being and when I came back from memories, the sight was stimulating. There were sights of a few lighted landmasses entangled with dark places.  I have become charged up once again even though ‘the disappointed me’ in me told me that you lost a lot while watching the movie. As the flight moved ahead I could see long lines of light connected these lighted landmasses. They must be bridges that connect islands or they could be roads that connect inhabited areas. Those dark areas either could be sea or bare land. I could not make out what exactly they are. I felt ashamed of myself calling skillful in map reading as I could not even make an idea of my route to Doha. Yet, my mind called for the possibilities. They could be the places in Oman, Saudi Arabia or UAE. Suddenly another thought came to my mind. I must have travelled through the gulf of Oman and the land mass I am seeing now is Qatar.

Before finishing this new thought, I could see a place where there are lights of different colours. Some colours changed to become some other colours and new colours appeared where there were old colours. In some places the existing colours offered way to darkness. Some lights were arranged in the form of arches. In one place lights appeared as the face of a torch.  It was like a feast for my eyes. My excitement exceeded its limits in such a way that I could not even think about anything else on earth. Further view aided my exhilaration to descend a bit. There were normal lights that have been arranged as squares and quadrilaterals. They must be lights from villas, I thought. When this view prolonged for some time it offered me a bit of monotony and I started to recall the most beautiful sight I ever had seen in my life. I compared it with the fireworks ceremony offered in temples of my state. But, those were nothing compared to this. I prayed to God that this place must be Doha. I could not even having the thought of having those beautiful lighted places anywhere else other than Doha.

The instruction to tighten the seat belts accompanied my prayers. The pilot gave a brief information about the temperature and other details of landing. I was not interested to listen that as I could not wait to see my husband who must be waiting for me at the airport. Simultaneous to this thought my eyes met with another hugely lighted area. I guessed it as the airport. The flight took more time than expected to land and I was a bit worried about it being late. The airport was tremendously decorated with lights, but I could not see anything as now I wished for only one sight. The flight landed in a comparatively darker area and there was a bus waiting to take us to the departure terminal. Even though the airport was beautiful and organized well, I couldn't enjoy anything there. I presented myself like a machine in all the arrival processes and collection of baggage. After completing all the processes, I moved towards the exit gate and there I saw the man who loves me the most.

At the airport, I had no trouble as I was spotted by those eyes, that has no other destination other than me. I could not see anyone else I couldn't hear anything else. I came back to the reality in the very next moment and was happy to see Asish, Vishnu and Sherin along with him. Three of them are his friends who showed true colors of friendship. While meeting them here, I washed out even the last bit of disappointment for losing the beautiful sight of lights in different colors. I thanked God for giving us such wonderful friends who waited for me in that late night. Thus my entry into Doha was quite spectacular. After reaching Doha, I have visited several places like malls, parks and Corniche. Each experience was wonderful and worth mentioning. I hope to write about it in my next post. Thanks for reading this and stay tuned with me here in my blog for further update of my stay in Doha

Let not others victimize you again

The term Rape has been mentioned in the histories and legal codes of ancient Babylonia, Hebrew, Greece and Roma and thus it could be termed as global phenomena since time immemorial  Though it is universal, the victim of this brutal crime is always alone. She becomes lonely just after the moment she reveals that she is "the abused”. Post rape, the woman will never have a good life and the cruel physical abuse will pave the way for the cruelest psychological abuse. The social norms along with the parents and relatives will never allow her to raise voice against this crime that she had to face for no reason. When she demands for it, the answers will be really odd like, "It's all in your head." "You're out of your mind." "You're crazy!".

The physical injury to the victim may be severe and the psychological consequences can range both immediate and lifelong ramifications. Within a short period of time, she will forget that how beautiful and intelligent she used to be. She will even find it difficult to understand whether she is a human being or not: for the way of abuse she had to face. She will become insecure in a moment and will spend most of her time to find out the exact reason for this crime.  . Victims of sexual assault by an acquaintance may suffer more severe psychological consequences than others. The emotional impact imposed on the victim is difficult to identify, measure, and describe due to the complexity and uniqueness of each victim's perception, circumstance, and reaction to the incident.

Some of the common symptoms reported by victims of rape include fear, anxiety, disbelief, shock, numbness, confusion, indecision, apathy and even hysteria. Disturbed sleep is another common aftermath associated with victims of sexual assault. Sleep disturbances such as nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and insomnia may follow them throughout their life. Apart from this the most crucial problem associated with a rape is social withdrawal. The incident and subsequent social impact may lead her to situations such as sexual dysfunction, or suicide.  Rape not only causes great physical, psychological and social harm to the victim but also it changes the victim's perception about the world forever.

Acquaintance rape is distinguished as rape that involves persons like relatives, neighbors, or friends. Such victims may suffer more severe symptoms and may have longer-term negative consequences associated with the sexual assault than victims of other such crimes. According to Moises Propsero, "Sex-symmetric effects of coercive behaviors on mental health?: Not exactly," published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence. Furthermore, explains Prospero and suggest that the emotional abuse from coercion may be a stronger factor relating to the victim's mental health problems or psychological consequences. Coercive power refers to the ability or perceived ability to punish the victim for not conforming to the offender's attempted influence. Rape involving coercion further impacts the victim's ability to recover from the victimization associated with the trauma (source: Ezine article)

 As the act of rape is not expected, usually the woman may not be psychologically prepared to expose the seriousness or depravity of the event, yet she has to  be exposed to this new mental situation suddenly. The victim may be too ashamed, embarrassed, or humiliated to cope with the psychological aftermath of the incident. Suppressing the memory of the assault is a safer psychological response. Denial even to the memory of this event becomes an alternative coping mechanism the victim usually relies on to avoid confronting the emotional impact associated with the assault. Fear and anxiety are the most predominant symptoms victims experience during and following rape, explains Lundberg-Love and Marimon. Victims also may experience feelings of disbelief, fear, shock, numbness, confusion, indecision, apathy or hysteria. Sleep disturbances and depression also are common symptoms suffered by rape victims. Victims who were assaulted in their bed frequently suffer from insomnia, continues Lundberg-Love and Marimon. (source: Ezine article)

The types of sleep disturbances a victim may experience include dreams, nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and insomnia. Being a woman with a weaker body in compared to the criminal, she cannot even think of a revenge and this will add more problems to the situation. Sexual dysfunction is another major consequence of rape. A woman's feelings about sexual relations can be negatively affected causing some victims of sexual assault to react with a sense of anger or repulsion which leads to sex avoidance. Other women react oppositely and engage in sex more frequently because they feel "devalued by the assault and believe that there is nothing left for them to protect," continues Lundberg-Love and Marimon. Still others may participate in sexual relations but possibly with a reduced sense of enjoyment or satisfaction. In addition, "extreme guilt may accompany the aftermath of rape because the victim perceives that he or she was ineffective in handling the assault," continues Lundberg-Love and Marimon.

The magnitude and severity of the personal assault during rape does not limit to one’s body as it directly affects one's sense of pride, dignity, and feelings of self-worth. Rapists steal not only the chastity of the woman, but also her soul and dignity when they intrude upon her personality that dictates and defines her perception of what is the world. The gravity of the offense determines the length of the road to recovery and the time necessary to achieve psychological restoration. Usually rape victims stay in the victim mindset, which keeps them weak, vulnerable and attractive to victimizers and attackers. Survive the event and not a victim and help those who need help. Give yourself a reality check. Understand the survivor mindset is strong and provides several options whereas the victim mindset is weak and vulnerable. Deep in your soul, you know who's really crazy. You don’t need to be embarrassed. When the thief steals something from you, he is the convict and not you. The society had made a feeling in your mind that you can never be safe alone, but Gut feelings will always save your life if you trust and follow them. A survivor of cancer does not have even a single growth of cancer in his body when he was a cancer victim. Similarly consider yourself as a survivor. You are not a victim anymore; you are a survivor and let not others to victimize you again. 

For You Dear Comrade

While passes, the wind leaves comfort

While passes the times leaves memory

While passes life leaves a new chance

While passes water leaves a cool spirit

But you my dear comrade……..

You left a big void space while passing

You shouldn’t have been such a great man

You shouldn’t have been such a great leader

You shouldn’t have been such a great motivator

You shouldn’t have been such a great inspiration

But you my dear comrade……..

Gave a lot of hope for us in our anguishes and needs

Gave a lot of expectation in our routines and adversities

Gave a lot of strength to fight against injustice of the world

Gave a lot of courage with your words and presence

But you dear comrade.......

Left us without fulfilling our dreams about a new world

Left us without accomplishing the mission we set for future

Left us without leaving even a single piece of peace to live

Left us without even giving the last message we waited for

Oh dear comrade……

I am not sure whether you can hear us anymore

As I read several times that Chaves still lives

Chaves is not died…..but the vainness lives there

My heart knows you are not there and you joined Simon

What left the rest is a tearful salute that falls from heart

The heart that trusted a lot on your words and deeds

Please stop calling me a fool

Like a couplet of previous years, loneliness was my only companion in my last birthday as well. Both my parents didn't even bother to remember my birthday and at noon I told my mom about the day. I demanded her to give me sweets and she suddenly agreed. In the evening, my dad brought some sweets and my mom told that those sweets would be my birthday sweet and I was very happy to have them. Those sweets were really good and were of an expensive brand. In fact, I expected my mom to cook some payasam so that I can give it to my friends and neighbors, but there was no such move from her side. The taste and brand value of those sweets calmed me. I was really happy and had some pieces of sweets from Dad’s box and went out to bring gifts for my parents and neighbors.  I spent much to get gifts and sweets for my parents and made a good day for them. I told myself that this day is not mine; it is the day of my parents. Today is the anniversary of the day when my mom became a mother for the first time and my dad became a father for the first time. I deleted the memory of all the pain suffered from them in my life and thanked them for giving me birth and cooked special dishes for them. I spent much time in the kitchen and after the dinner, I overheard my dad speaking to someone over phone that today is the 5^th wedding anniversary of his subordinate and her husband sent sweet boxes for all the employees from New Zealand. He got a box full of sweets among others to celebrate the happiness of a wedding anniversary. “That was named as my birthday sweet!!!”. Actually that must be named as s 'pseudo birthday sweet'.

I was shocked on this injustice. I locked myself in the room and looked at my own image in the mirror; I could not find me there. I could see the image of a fool there. In the meanwhile I heard my mom wishing my dad’s subordinate on her wedding anniversary. My mom was exclaiming on the expensive gift she received from her husband who works abroad. I looked at my hands, they were empty. I again looked at my image; there I could see the same image with head down. I felt like laughing at myself. I was trying to find happiness among unhappiness.  My effort was to seek life in the desert. In the novel, the Alchemist, Paulo Coelho wrote about life in the desert. To win the test of being his disciple, the Alchemist asks Santiago to find life in the desert. As it was one of the compulsory criteria, Santiago sets out to find life in the desert and he finally succeeds in his mission. The world glorifies the protagonist as he became a success and could become the disciple of the Alchemist who knows the way to the pyramids where the treasure lays, but I will never term the life in the desert as a symbol of success as he could find a poisonous snake there.  Life does not count as perfect with poison, as it is harmful for others.

After shedding lot of tears, I compared myself with Santiago and tried to bring positive thoughts in my brain. In the novel, Santiago gets his real love and a big treasure in his own town. I also expected myself to get that. I dreamed myself to become a big writer and a Nobel Prize winner. I closed my eyes and I had a soothing image before my eyes, my husband. Suddenly I opened my lap top to see his image. My desktop wall paper was his image. I looked at his eyes. I wanted to hear his voice, so I dialed his number but his phone was not in range.  His eyes was comforting, I felt that I am not alone in this world. I have my real love to be with me forever.  I went back to the mirror once again. There I could see me: the beautiful, elegant, confident and impudent “me”. I could not believe my eyes as there was such a visible change from my previous image. I tried to compare my current image with that fool’s image with head down. I felt that both of them are different creatures. They have no relation with each other. There I could realize the strength I get with the presence of my husband. If his image strengthens me like this, I count myself as a success in his shadow. With this feeling, I started writing a poem. I took more than a month to finish that small poem as I changed, words, meters and phrases in it often.

I transferred my heart into the poem. I portrayed all my wishes in it. With it, I told my husband that how important he is to me, I made him feel that I want his hands to close my eyes when I die. I completed it and I was proud of myself as I am the author of such a lovely and heart touching poem. Even though I wrote about death,  I could see life in the poem. I loved the contrast of life and death in it as I read the contrast of life and desert in the Alchemist. I became very happy whenever I read it. Almost a year passed and my situations changed to a happy mode. I believed that I don’t need to be a fool anymore. Unlike in the case of last year, I will spend my next birthday with the person I love the most. I wanted the world to know that, I am not a failure. I started counting myself as a success. I believed that I will give birth to 11 kids, so that I can constitute a cricket team. I enjoyed my days in the memory of my unborn kids. I played with the dress I bought for them. I was in an ecstasy, as if I reached somewhere near my ultimate destination.  One night, I was watching a movie and I could hear a song that repeated the same words of my poem. I could suddenly realize my words and the feelings and emotions associated with each word. I told my man, that it is my poem. The only difference was, I wrote it in English and the song was in my local dialect.

My husband browsed the net and told me that the lyricist of this poem wrote it before I finished writing mine. He was confused whether my poem is a plagiarized one. The dismemberment caused by it was such that I could not even understand the depth of the situation. The next day, I sat alone and recalled my pain and emotions associated with each words of that poem. I remembered how deeply I desired to die when I wrote each word in it and how intensely I wanted the presence of my husband in my final moments, but unfortunately I had no proof to prove my originality. I posted the poem ten days after the audio release of that particular song. In fact, I never heard that song before, but nobody will trust me as the man who wrote the song is an acclaimed lyricist. To maintain the authority, I need to remove my poem from my blog was the suggestion I received from my friends. I didn't understand the relevance of that suggestion. Similar to the expensive sweets belonged to someone else, my own poem, where I depicted my heart was said to be owned by someone else. I was made to believe that the sweets are mine, but I am sure that the poem is mine. I could not control my tears from making a stream below my eyes.  Suddenly I ran to the mirror to see my face. Yes, there was the image of a fool.

After shedding some tears, I again tried to think positively. Suddenly I remembered a dialogue in a recent movie. When the hero loses his love he says, the alcohol drank for her and the rain water that laid on her behalf have gone waste. Suddenly my disappointed mind tried to make a new statement for me. The effort I spent for my parents and the pride I hold for my poem have gone waste. I tried to demonstrate this as the biggest comedy of my life in this year, but even this low level comedy could console me. Someone, might be my ego cried inside me to quit my writing career. There was very big war happening inside my mind. The war between the fool and me. I tried to focus on other things but I could not, I wanted to go out for a walk. That also didn’t regain ‘the me’ in me. I was terrified to watch my image in the mirror, but I had to. So, I went back to the mirror and saw the same fool, and this time it was with the head down as I expected. Again the fool defeated me in the great war. The world remained as viewers. In that big match, I expected the support of the world as Coelho wrote, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it". My expectation remained fruitless as the support of the world was not for me, instead they shouted the name fool. The repeated calls of fool made me insane. I wanted to tell the world that 'I am not a fool, even though I seem like a fool, I really am not….Please….. please……. please stop calling me a fool'. But my voice refused to come out and what came out was only two drops of tears- The tears of an insane.

Love is not blind

Love is blind, a parlance hard to believe, as

I opened my eyes when I fell in love with you

I could see and look clearly only when I am in love

I could learn and realize things well in your love

I could see everything I missed in life without you

I see the meaning of love only when you love me

I see the depth of care when I am in your arms

I see the pride of a woman as I am your love

I see the esteem of being myself as I am your love

I see the courage in me only when you loved me

I looked at me as the person of caliber in your love

I looked at me as the prettiest as I’m in your love

I looked at others and found that they are not bad

I looked at me as the most merciful when I’m with you

I looked around and found the beautiful world with you

I n your love I could read and distinguish the nature

In your love I could advance myself as a human being

In your love only I acquired everything special on earth

In your love I believe every plebeian parlance on earth

In your love, now I deny this by saying Love is not blind

Love is not blind, Love is not blind and Love is not blind

Rest in Peace

In a fine evening, the light house keeper was mounting the stairs to reach the top of the light house. He was holding a small candle to direct his way. As he needs to pass several steps to reach on top, he was careful not to bear down the candle light. On the way, the candle asked him a small question, “where are we going? And why are we going there?”. The man answered in a low voice, ‘We are going on top of this light house. We need to do a very big mission there. Our mission is to guide the ships sailing through the ocean. They organize their route by following the direction shown by the light in the light house. “

Listening him, the candle became confused and it asked, “How is it possible? My small light will give a very vague view and may misguide huge ships. They will misunderstand me as a bee and so I don’t think that I can provide direction guidance to huge ships. ” The LH Keeper had a distinctive voice while answering this question. He said, “It is your thought, Let your small beam to continue its light, I will take care of the rest.”

After some time they reached on top of the light house. A large lamp was placed on top and the LH keeper lightened that lamp with the light from the small candle. It was a big light that could guide huge ships to find its way and direction. Looking at the bigger light in the lamp, the candle could not believe it eyes. It could not even think that it had such a huge potential. It’s mind was full of self esteem and shortly after that the LH keeper turned off the candle light, but the candle light was in peace in its last moment.