My answer

“You were outstanding in your college days…. But now, you are not writing in that way….why? Why are you not producing similar output even after having a lot of experience in life?” You are not drawing well, you are not singing well, you are not studying as you did and you are not even reading books which were your passion. What happened? and what caused for such a very drastic change? This is an often question whenever I meet my old friends, relatives or teachers. You also must have faced similar questions in your life.

People ask such questions to show their concern and consideration to us. They consider such comments and questions as part of positive stroke. Some people show a tendency to compare such comments to renaissance and revival of English society that paved the way to modernization. But, are they really saving their anticipated purpose? Let’s have a brief look on the reality behind the failure of a talented person. I would like to give a few examples from my own life to explain this context.

Recently a very close friend has gifted me a few set of pencils. I was very happy to receive them as I was badly in need of those pencils. But, I needed them and wanted those twenty years back. If I were having them as a student, I would have performed miracles in white paper and would have been known as a good painter. Instead, ‘the little me’ had to picture all my imaginations on the wall and in return I received a lot of abuse and slapping on my face. Unknowingly my little brain developed a fear that forbade me to draw.

Similarly, when I wrote in a different style, my parents, relatives and teachers created a block in my heart saying that “all writers are bad people and you as a girl cannot join that ‘dirty club’”. I then had to hide my imaginations in my own heart. As time passed the complicated experiences of my life made me forget that ‘I can write’. The singer in me also died in similar passion and I finally became a ‘mere me’ instead of becoming a painter, writer or singer. Today, I am very happy to receive these pencils and I am expecting these pencils to play the role of a reviving agent.

Twenty years back, I wanted them and if I got them at that time, I would have made wonders and today when I got it, I am finding it difficult to use them with the similar heart as my heart and brain are shaped with another pace. Today, what I want is something else and I have no idea when will I get it? I hope I may not require 20 more years when I will find it difficult to use it. Look at the nature. A plant needs the extra amount of nitrogen and zinc during its initial years, but after becoming a tree they require it in a very lesser quantity. I hope this is an answer for all those who ask questions about my inefficiency. This answer is not only for me, but for all those who face similar questions and situations.